Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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