Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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