Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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