If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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