God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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