After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Two words: nipple clamps
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