you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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