Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
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I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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