mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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