he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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