Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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