Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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