Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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