Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize