My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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