Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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