Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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