Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
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Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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