oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize