I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize