now i know why i became what i already was.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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