I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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