he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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