i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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