I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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