Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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