Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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