there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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