last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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