i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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