sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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