I heard we made out
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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