I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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