there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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