i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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