sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize