I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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