i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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