Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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