i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just invented taco cereal.
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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