I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
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I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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