Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Everything about him screamed your future.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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