Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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