Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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