apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize