So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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