I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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