he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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