You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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