i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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